Confronting the Past
by Immortal Senshi
Summary: Warning; Mentions of past violence. L confronts his lover on news that has just come to light...


So this is the first scene I chose to load, my experiment, if you will. Not a bad one I feel, I've gone through and edited the words underlined with red, only warnings include reference to torture and rape, past-tense and vaguely mentioned. Just understand that I have no experience with rape, nor rape victims, so this is purely an outsider, probably naive, angle on it.

The story is a three way cross, Sailor Moon, Weiss Kreuz and Death Note, rated M for the violence that is mentioned... and I think the scene will go over the basics for me, so please, just read and review.

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any profit from Sailor Moon, Weiss Kreuz or Death Note, they all belong to their respective owners

Keep in mind, this is just a scene from a story I will likely never finish, nor publish, should anyone care to take a stab at doing so... please let me know first. Thanks.

Additional warning! There are mentions of a SLASH, male/male relationship, as well as a hetero, and I stretch the abilities of the Disguise Pen to accomplish it.

CtPCtPCtP

Miwa knelt in front of the floor-to-ceiling window, staring out over the city from the top floor. He was comfortable, considering what had just come out... who was he? He smiled at his reflection. He would temper his initial response to that...

"I was born Takatori Usagi," he began evenly. "Only daughter to Takatori Shuuichi and his wife. For my safety from his elder brother, Takatori Reiji, father placed me with close friends of his, almost immediately following my birth. I became Tsukino Usagi, only daughter of Tsukino Kenji and Tsukino Ikuko, elder sister of Tsukino Shingo a few years later. When Takatori Reiji learn of my existence despite my place in hiding, upon the death of Takatori Shuuichi, my 'parents' immediately moved me into hiding again, because he immediately came after me. That time, I had a few friends who helped hide me, one in particular, who created the identity of Ikina Miwa."

L watched Miwa's back, thinking about that. "You have spent your entire life in hiding..."

Miwa nodded a little. "Back then, I wondered how I was to keep anything straight," he said quietly. "I had so many different names, identities, who was I really? I had always thought of myself as Tsukino Usagi, the girl who could be late to her own funeral, that people generally liked on principal but didn't really talk with much. I was a good listener, I always tried to cheer people up, worked volunteer at the hospital, helping ease the workload of the nurses a little and making certain the patients were fairly happy, regardless of what they were there for. But suddenly, the two I had loved as mom and dad are suddenly telling me, my birth father just died, my birth mother died in the same hour I was born, I was not who they'd always said. That year was something of a nightmare to me, trying to answer the question of who I was."

"Did you answer it, in that year?" L asked.

"No. I just knew who I _wanted_ to be, by the end of the year. And that was Ikina Miwa. Tsukino Usagi was a lack-luster young lady, never studied if she did not absolutely have to, had her parents and friends at her back, pushing her to just do it and get it done. She was a happy, go-lucky kind of girl who, at the time of her disappearance, could draw passably, had been taking classes for the year and a half prior to that. Ikina Miwa did his work, unknown to the rest of the world, it was because it kept his loved ones safe, to put up the facade of being a studious young man," He snorted derisively at himself. "I found out the truth of their words, all those years; doing it first leaves you _hours_ of time to do whatever you like afterward. Too late to mean anything, the general populace of Tokyo would collapse with a massive heart attack, Kira innocent of said crime, if Tsukino Usagi ever, actually, became a studious student."

L snickered. "Perhaps a good reason to avoid going back," he agreed.

Miwa glanced over his shoulder at the other man. "The primary one however, was that none of them knew," he said evenly. "Mom had to brute it about that I was being sent to a boarding school, she still wasn't exactly happy with my grades. They wouldn't have had the first clue how to get used to dealing with someone who had been kidnapped, beaten, raped and traumatized. They would have expected some change but at the core of it all, they would still have expected me to remain what I was. I couldn't even pretend it to myself that last month, I would not pretend it for them. So the scholarship became my God-send, I could get out of there, because even my friends were just looking at me with pity, not knowing how to handle me... and I couldn't force them to because I knew I was getting angry at the pity, it was a guarantee, someone, somewhere, would say something, which would set me off and something would get broken. I feared what that something may come to be. So I fled. Where they knew that something traumatizing had happened, but I was working past it, where there were guidance councilors and psychologists who kept an eye on me, supporting me when the nightmares were their worst and helping me through them."

"You ran the only way you knew how at that point," his lover murmured. "You couldn't go back, so you went forward in the life you had made for yourself, after finding out your identity of yourself was not as... truthful as you'd once thought. How did Fujimiya factor into it?"

Miwa turned back to the window, shaking his head as he chuckled. "Aya and his had been instructed by Father, in his last words, to be the shield between Reiji and I, and _I_ cannot tell you anymore of that, you would have to speak with them as to why. Setsuna, knowing they were to guard me, helped them do it unintentionally," He snickered. "I even had the straight-as-a-pole Yohji looking my way once or twice, that was funny, because Ken and Omi teased him so _bad_ about that. Because all four of them, Omi, Ken, Yohji and Aya worked in a flower shop, and the local school girls all flocked to ogle them and sigh over them, twitter over simply hearing them speak... Omi and Ken went red every time they did it, Yohji flirted, but firmly turned down dates unless they were eighteen or older. And Aya just snapped at them all, digusted, telling them to simply get lost if they weren't buying anything."

L quirked a brow. "Tsukiyono Omi, he had some kind of connection with the Takatori family didn't he?"

Miwa nodded. "He was born Takatori Mamoru, bastard son of Takatori Shuuichi and the wife of Takatori Reiji," he said softly. "I was unaware of that for a couple of months... it didn't change anything when I did find out. He may have been my half brother, but there was nothing I could do, at the time I was Ikina Miwa, Senior at his school and tutoring him in a couple of subjects. I might have just... been that much kinder, I suppose, that much more protective of the kid, looking after him from a distance when we weren't at the Koneko. I think he might have noticed it, but he only smiled at me, never said anything. Aya certainly noticed, and was absolutely confused by it," He snorted again. "Accused me of being a player, reminded me Omi was illegal... but I convinced him, in a few short, terse words that what I did with Omi was not flirting, I was looking after him as an elder sibling might, accuse me of trying to get into his pants again and I would be more than happy to introduce my fist to his face. It quieted him at least, I don't know if was my words or my expression."

"Probably a combination of the two," L admitted, having watched the restrained disgust flit over the other's face.

Miwa shrugged. "Either way, I took a break from the Koneko for a week, helped Omi at school only, saw him to the building, and left. It took him begging me to get me to set foot inside again, the girls were getting on Aya's nerves, constantly asking for me now, and could I please reassure them that I'm alive and Aya did not kill me? I did that much at least. And Aya pitched one of the aprons at me as soon I'd stepped through the door, his own, convoluted apology for what he'd said and done. He never actually said the words, but I understood nonetheless. And it still took a day or two more, but I eventually began flirting again," He smirked faintly. "So it began again, the words people heard being roared furiously in the Koneko changed from 'Get out!' back to 'Ikina!'"

L canted his head. "And you accepted that, didn't mind it?"

"Sure," Miwa grinned wickedly over his shoulder. "For the same reason I tease the Hell out of you; For the look on your face, and the reaction later. I got pinned to the wall more than once for that. Don't make that face, you've done the same for similar reason, flirting and teasing the Hell out of you when you can't do anything about it because you're in a location too public for those activities," His eyes gentled at the discomfited look he was given. "Make no mistake L, I know you and Aya are not the same person, I never confused that. Ignoring the complete physical opposites alone, it takes a lot more to get you into a temper. You don't object, when I come up behind you and put an arm around you for the simple pleasure of physical contact. Aya always had to make sure no one could see it. You don't object if I sit on the floor by your chair and simply lean against you. He did. There are a thousand and one differences between the two of you, but I am glad for that similarity, that I can disturb even you to the point that the moment you can, you will pin me to a wall."

L wrapped his arms around his legs, leaning his chin on his knees and simply looking at him, silent for a long time. "...can you take the disguise down, and show me who you were?" he asked quietly.

Miwa blinked, taken aback. "I can try," he said after a moment. "I've spent so long thinking of myself as Miwa, that Miwa is basically who I am now, I hardly know who Usagi is anymore... but I can try," He twisted himself around, hands resting on his thighs as he closed his eyes. He had to focus, just focus on simply taking the disguise down, not creating one to make him look as he'd once looked...

The Detective watched, his eyes widening faintly as a gentle light began to emit from his lover's form. Then his body began to change. First, his dark hair began to lighten, and lengthen, no longer simply brushing the floor, but pooling on it. The hair bleached to a white-blond, a compliment to the suddenly porcelain skin-tone. Lean muscles softened, no longer smooth lines under the skin, but rounding in curves as the breasts pushed out, lifting the silk shirt. And it looked like he shrank, but L couldn't actually tell, since s/he was still kneeling. Finally, golden lashes fluttered, and lifted, revealing silver-blue irises.

L stood, moving closer, and she remained as she was, just watching him. He gestured for her to rise, and she did.

She had definitely shrunk, he mused, when the top of the white-blond head only came level with breast bone. Miwa was almost eye-to-eye with him when he slouched, a fraction bit shorter than. He noted that one of her fists was clenched, and stepped back. "What is wrong?"

She blinked, and he indicated her hand. Red spread over her cheeks and neck. "My ring doesn't fit," she explained, her soft soprano catching L off guard. "If I unfold my hand it will fall..."

He smiled slowly, lifting his hand and brushing his knuckles over her cheek. "It shows more when you blush," he murmured, watching the red darken under his hand. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

She sighed, leaning into his hand a little. "...in full honesty? No," She met his eyes. "But that is because I don't even register this form as mine anymore," She indicated herself. "I am Miwa, it is how I think of myself. When I first began life as him, I changed back as often as possible, unless you've done it yourself you just have no idea how _weird_ it is, to suddenly have dangling bits where there never were any," Her face went beet red when he laughed, but she rolled her eyes, shaking her head at him. "Sure, laugh about it, you weren't the one who had issues going to the bathroom for three weeks!"

"What was the problem?" he asked, trying to calm his laughter.

"I can't pee if I have an erection," she answered dryly. "And I couldn't touch it without getting one..." He dissolved into spluttering laughter, and she found herself having to hold onto him to keep him on his feet. But with a five foot frame, a feminine one at that, trying to hold up his six foot three masculine frame was a task in and of itself; One she failed miserably at.

They crashed to the floor in a tangle of limbs, her yelp of pain effectively silencing his laughter. "Miwa-kun?" he asked sharply, untangling their limbs quickly and sitting up to look at her. "Miwa-kun, are you all right?"

She groaned, reaching up and touching the back of her head. She flinched at the contact. "Yeah, just forgot to check the memo; Do not try to hold up a man over six foot when you're only a five foot woman. Ow..."

"Twisting to cushion the impact didn't help either," L said wryly, turning her head to look at the back of it. There was already a lump forming, a nice little egg, which he didn't doubt would become a goose egg in short order. He turned her head again, studying her eyes. "I do not believe you have a concussion, but we will have to move closer to the light in order to tell for certain."

She stood with his help, swaying a little on her feet until he steadied her. He guided her back to the arm chair, making her sit, but she suddenly jerked, and looked back at where they'd been in a panic. "My ring! I don't have my ring..."

He pushed her down firmly. "I'll get it, relax, we do not know yet if you have a concussion or not, so stay," She settled, but searched the floor with her eyes anxiously. He did the same, taking care to note what he saw. It was under her at the moment, and he smiled briefly, kneeling in front of her and taking it from under the edge of the chair. She sagged in relief when he showed it her, but he didn't let her take it. Instead, he took her hand, and returned it to where it belonged himself. Then he laced their fingers together, aligning their rings, and studied them for a moment. "You became quite panicked, at the idea of losing it even for a moment," he murmured, looking up to meet her eyes.

Her own were soft, understanding mingling with affection. "It's our promise in physical form. You have no idea the number of nights it has been my sanity, when the insecurities and nightmares would drown me... the sight of that ring will reassure me. The only times it ever comes off is in the bath, no where else. If I thought I could safely take it into the bath with me, protect it from the water, it would never come off."

He smiled, a tight feeling in his chest as he listened to her words. "The bath won't hurt it," he said quietly. "You can take it in there with you, so it never has to come off," He pointed to his own ring. "I take it with me all of the time, it is no worse for wear," She smiled self-consciously, and he squeezed her hand. "You have never mentioned nightmares before..."

"I never have them when I'm with you," she replied. "I don't know when it started, but over time... being with you chases away the nightmares, I don't have them. I can face the memories without being afraid of them. But without you... I am lost. My mind begins to forget... until I see it again. I see my ring... and I think of you. Of us, and everything we've done, been through. The terrors you held me through, never asking for more than I could give... and I can never fully explain to you, how much that means to me, that you let me get to it in my own time, never pushing, no matter how curious you got. Even the girls I would call sisters in all but blood pushed, until I reached the point I am at, avoiding talking to them as much as possible, just to avoid their pushing... this ring is everything to me, it is you when I can't actually have you in my arms."

"You make it sound like I've done so much," he murmured. "But surely not as much as them?"

Her eyes held his firmly. "You let me _be,_" she said steadily. "You didn't ask. You didn't goad, prod, and push for answers, even indirectly, nor did you try to foist me off on some stuffed shirt councilor, to talk over my 'issues' and 'get over' them. You held me, let me hold you in turn, never talking if I didn't want to, but never letting me forget that I am your's, as you are mine. They were my supports when I needed them to be such... but you became my everything, my support even when I didn't know that I needed it, my sanity when the screams beg to get out, and my voice fails me. You do _more_ than they ever did, and you continue to do it every day, even when you aren't at my side."

He didn't argue that, feeling touched at the utter importance she placed on him, and their rings that bound them in a way metal alone rarely could. "No more secrets," he requested softly, caressing her cheek as he studied her eyes. She nodded slightly, even as her eyes darkened that little bit, but he didn't let her look away from him. "You will always be my enigma, my mystery, _mine_... but I want for no more secrets between us, so that nothing can blindside us like this again. I will give you my name, my birth name, my future, my everything... I just want your everything in return."

"Then you may wish to let me keep talking," she murmured, settling her hand over his on her face. "There is yet more to know, and some of that, precious, scarce few have even an idea about, never knowing it ever happened at all..." He picked her up into his arms, settling into the love seat with her on his lap, and held her close as she began to tell him the tale of the Sailor Senshi, how it all tied into her life, her youth, and what it now meant to her.


End file.
